How To Talk To Your Parents (or Adult Children) About Estate Planning
Talking about estate planning can be one of the more sensitive conversations, but it can also be one of the most important. Whether you are approaching a parent or adult child, initiating this discussion can help ensure that everyone understands your wishes and can reduce potential future conflict.
We have put together some helpful suggestions for starting and navigating these conversations.
1. Start with a Conversation, not a Directive
Estate planning is personal. Rather than diving directly into legal documents or financial details, consider opening with a question:
“Have you thought about how you'd want things handled if something unexpected happened?”
“Would you feel comfortable if we talked a little about your wishes for the future?”
A gentle approach can help reduce defensiveness and signal that the intent is to be supportive, not intrusive.
Many people avoid these conversations due to fear of aging, losing independence, or causing family conflict. Others may simply feel overwhelmed by the legal language or are unsure where to begin. Recognizing and empathizing with these concerns can help the conversation feel less intimidating.
2. Use a Checklist as a Conversation Guide
To help get started, we have put together an estate planning conversation checklist (see at bottom of page). This tool provides simple prompts and talking points to guide your discussion.
3 . Why Waiting Can Be Risky
Life is unpredictable. Waiting too long to create or review an estate plan can lead to rushed decisions or lost opportunities. Early discussions allow time to think through your options carefully and make smart choices. Planning ahead also gives everyone involved a chance to understand their roles and responsibilities, which can be especially important in complex or blended families.
4. It May Not Be For Everyone
Every family has a different dynamic. In some cases, these conversations may be difficult or even inadvisable, especially when relationships are strained or privacy is a major concern. This is okay! There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and professional guidance can often help families decide the best path for them.
5. Consider a Family Meeting (We Can Help)
Stern & Mauck offers complimentary “Family Meetings” for our clients who have set up an estate plan with us, facilitated by their attorney. These meetings are designed to help the client’s family understand their wishes and what they should expect after passing. No financial information is discussed, and the goal is simply to communicate the structure of the plan and who to contact when the time comes. These meetings can reduce stress and help avoid confusion during an already difficult time.
Estate planning is ultimately about peace of mind. Whether you're just beginning the conversation or reviewing an existing plan, we’re here to support you and your loved ones every step of the way.
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Estate Planning Conversation Checklist
Use this tool to help guide your discussion with a parent, spouse, or adult child.
Before you begin
Choose a quiet, private time to talk (avoiding holidays or high-stress moments).
Set the tone: let your loved one know your goal is to be supportive, not pushy.
Keep expectations realistic, as this may take more than one conversation.
Suggested questions to start with
“Have you created any documents like a Trust, Will, Power of Attorney, or Health Care Directives?”
“Is there someone you trust to make decisions if you couldn’t?”
“Would you feel comfortable talking about your wishes for medical care or your future?”
Key Topics (as comfortable)
Health Care Wishes (Advance Directives: HIPAA, Healthcare Power of Attorney, and Living Will)
Durable Power of Attorney (Who would manage your finances if needed?)
Will and/or Trust (What’s in place, and who is named as executor or trustee?)
Beneficiaries (Are they up to date on insurance, retirement accounts, etc.?)
Location of Important Documents (Where can these be found if needed?)
Guardians (If minors or dependents are involved)
Who Is Involved?
Names and roles of key people: executors, agents, trustees, guardians
Who should be informed now and who can wait?